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Bonds We Break
Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo -- EXCERPT: “I don’t care. I’ve always only wanted you, Mia. I love you so much I would burn down the fucking world just to have you.” I try not to focus on the tremble of his lips against my skin. It’s torture standing so close to him, feeling him, breathing him in… but that’s what he’s counting on. “That’s the problem,” I explain. Tears stream down my cheeks like rain against a windowpane. My lower lip trembles as I rest my nose against his, breathing him in for one last time. I want to memorize every line on his face. “Tell me you don’t love me,” he demands. This is too much for one person to handle. “I can’t.” I grip the collar of his jacket so tight I think I might tear it away from him. “Why does it have to be so complicated?” Those ocean blue eyes of his swim with emotion as they gaze at me. We were always complicated. From the moment he first wrote in my journal and kept it secret from everyone else, we sealed our fate. “I need you to let me go,” I beg, the words coming out stronger than I thought I was capable of. “You know I can’t do that,” he growls. “Then I will walk away for the both of us.” I muster every last bit of strength I have in me to say it. Jack grips the back of my head, his fingers fisting my hair, and I know he doesn’t want to let me go just as much as I don’t want him to either, but it’s the way it has to be. “I can’t let you go,” he whispers into my hair, placing a kiss on top of my head. “I won’t ever let you go.” “I know.” I let my lips brush against his, the feeling causing me to sag against him as every nerve ending lights up in my body. For a few seconds we are at an impasse, unable to move, a hairs breadth between our lips, until we finally touch. The kiss is so achingly slow and devastatingly beautiful that a piece of me is lost to him forever. I can taste the salt of his tears, and I swallow them with a kiss. He takes my face in his hands and I place my hands over his, holding us together as if I were to let go, we would fall apart. That is what will happen. Once I let go, we will fall apart. I have to let go. “I love you,” I admit but he already knows this. “If you didn’t love me, this would be easier,” he says against my lips. “I don’t like the person I am with you,” I tell him as I let my hands fall away from his, breaking the spell, and we peel apart like the water being pulled away from the sand. “It doesn’t have to be that way. I can be a better person. I can try. Just don’t give up on me.” The desperation clings in the air like humidity before a storm. I want to believe him, but he’s not capable, not now anyway. Timing is everything. “I don’t make you a better person.” That’s the real problem. For me, he will give up anything, do anything, be anything, even if it destroys everything around us. That’s not the kind of muse I want to be. I pull back to get a good look at him. “It’s not our time.” Maybe someday it will be, but that day is not today. “I need to learn how to be me without you.” My eyes swim with tears. He is all I have ever known since I left home, and I fear he is a crutch I lean on far too much. “That’s the difference between me and you,” Jack says as he strokes my cheek with a callused finger. “I don’t want to know what it’s like to live without you.” I can’t bear to look at him now and cast my eyes down to his chest. It rises and falls to the rhythm of my own heart. “If it’s meant to be, we will find each other again.” 
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