In an instant, my world turned upside down
Because of one incident, my life will never be the same
Every day I struggled to breathe
Every day I went through the motions
I felt too much
I was numb
I was drowning
I was lost inside the black
So they made me go there
I was already there, watching from the dark
And then I met him
And then I saw her
He scared me to death
She took my breath away
He was darkness
She was my light
They whispered he can't be touched
She was the only one I could touch
I couldn't be with him, they needed me
I fucking needed her
So I told him I would be his friend
I told her I would be her friend. For now.
But I couldn't resist him for long
She finally realized that she'll always be mine
We were a hot mess
We were the perfect kind of mess
Then reality dawned on me
Then my demons broke loose
I was underwater, trying to break through to the surface
I reached out my hand, trying to pull her to shore
Could he really help me?
Would she accept me, scars and all?
This was us
This was our story
"This book is based on true events and contains sensitive subjects that may be a trigger to some readers, such as violence, abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder. It also contains a parent with cancer. It is recommended for ages 18 and up."
Safe. No cheating/OW.
She stood under the night sky, her head tilted up, clutching her jacket close to her body, protecting herself from the cold.
I couldn’t help noticing how beautiful she was. Before I knew it, I found myself standing inches from her face – not touching – just standing close enough to feel the warmth of her body. I hadn’t consciously walked towards her. She was like a magnet, pulling me in.
I could tell my nearness alarmed her. Her body froze. She lowered her head and pulled her lower lip roughly between her teeth, worrying it. All I could think about as I watched her with hungry eyes was how I wanted to pull her abused lip into my mouth. Fuck. I was losing my mind. She made me feel too much, too soon, and I had no fucking clue how to deal with all these new emotions.
Was she tense because I flustered her or because I scared her?
I fucking hoped it was the former.
She cleared her throat a few times before she spoke. “I saw the owner looking at us as we came outside. I really hope that protecting me doesn’t get you thrown out.”
Blinking, I asked, “How do you know Toby?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I needed a guitar for my song. The guy who signed me up sent us to ask him.”
Oh, of course, the guitar. I should have realized. She was the only person I had ever seen take the stage with an instrument, besides a local band. The problem was focusing on anything else when she was this close. The smell of vanilla took control of my senses and all I wanted to do was bury my head in the crook of her neck and breathe her in.
“How do you know him?” she asked.
“I work here.”
“You work here?”
“Yep. I’m a bouncer.”
“Oh. What about the support group? Aren't you working there too?”
“Nah, I’m only a helper there a few times a week. It's not exactly a full time job.”
She nodded as if she was trying to read me. I moved closer. She worried her lip some more and stepped back. For every backward step she took, I stepped forward, until she was caged between the brick wall and my body. I placed my hands on the wall on either side of her head. She sucked in a breath, her body tensing against me. I didn't mean to invade her personal space, but I needed to be near her, to breathe her air.
Was it so wrong to want to hold on to the first good thing coming my way, after more than four excruciating years?
Call me a greedy bastard, but I couldn’t let this woman go.
“I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to say this sooner,” I said. “But your song…watching you up on stage... it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. You…” I drew closer, until our noses touched. “You took my breath away.”
“Thank you,” she said so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.
Brushing my lips across her ear, I whispered, “You’re welcome.”
She settled a shaky hand on my chest and gave me a small shove, trying to push me away.
I didn’t budge.
“You're too close,” she breathed out, her voice quivering.
“Does my nearness bother you?”
Her throat bobbed nervously. “Yes,” she whispered.
I took a step back, giving her room to breathe. I didn't mean to get out of control. I didn't want to intimidate her. I wanted her on board with me, and I would do whatever I could to make that happen.
I am twenty-six years old and I live in a small town in Israel.
My family and I were going through some difficult times not too long ago and one day I was confiding in my best-friend about everything. I didn't know how to deal with it all. Then she suggested I should write a book about it. I looked at her as if she had grown another head and dismissed the idea on the spot. But the seed had been planted, and day after day, little by little, without realizing it - I started writing.
That’s how Underwater was born.
I found writing to be cathartic, healing. Something that helped my mind unwind and put things in perspective. I discovered a magical world where I traveled between imagination and reality. Writing became my home and I never wanted to leave.
I love to read, write, listen to music, edit videos, and play the guitar. I am always looking for the next creative thing. I also like a good movie and a glass of wine.