Have you ever wished you could have something so bad, even though you knew it was forbidden?
Jonathan Gates was just that—forbidden. He was everything I could ever want in a man: charming, a great listener, open-minded, and funny. It also didn't hurt that he was easy on the eyes.
We'd been through a lot together: breakups, makeups, firsts, lasts, and anything else you can imagine. I was once told he was my soul mate, but I refused to believe that.
I didn't want to love him. I didn't want to fall for him because...he was my best friend!
But I did, and I fell for him hard. I was in love with my best friend, and it was time he knew how I really felt.
MICKEY ROSE’S DIARY
Diary Entry: Broken
Here I am again, bawling my eyes out, heartbroken, and feeling so numb that I’m scaring myself. I feel like I’m being punished for wanting to love someone. Why is love such a tormenting thing for me? I wish someone could take the feeling of love away from me so I wouldn’t keep getting hurt. My heart feels like someone put their hand on my chest and dug their nails into my heart until it was a second away from stopping.
When will it stop? The pain of rejection—that’s what this has to be. Once I fall for someone and make it clear they’re all I want, they slap me in my face and tell me with their actions that they don’t love me in the same way, whether they mean to or not. It took me a while to let him back in after the last time and now it’s happening all over again and I can’t face this hurtful truth. I never thought he’d put me through this again and now that I’m older and really understand what true love means, I didn’t think I’d be here all alone again.
This was complete bull and the stupid note he left didn’t make things any better. How could he do this to me? And leave me a note so vague I don’t even know why he’s really leaving? Who would try to hurt his family?
I tried so hard not to fall for him again and what does he do? He takes my heart, stomps on it, and buries it in the dirt.
I can’t deal with this right now. Screw you Jonathan Gates. Even if it takes me years, I will get over you, and you better not try and weasel your way back into my life.
Good-bye to this chapter of my life. It’s time to grow up and enjoy the next few years.
Niquel is a self diagnosed coffee addict, lover of rice and beans, and chocolate—preferably not all together. She’s the creator of multiple stories full of love, passion, and power. She may toss in a ghost story every once in a while.
When she’s not busy taking care of her two little girls, she's writing or creating graphics Or you can find her binge watching TV with her significant other.
Boston born and raised, she’s always been a creative soul: attending multiple colleges to develop her love of the visual arts.